You know what *not* to do

Why do you do it?

You've got the world/But baby, at what price?

Hi there,

I’m having a terrible month. When stalking your X (no, not Twitter) on Facebook goes awfully wrong: Eek! Let me preface this post by saying if I had all the answers, if I were perfect, I would be on my yacht sippin’ gin and juice. Not on Substack “writing.” Come take a ride with me on the struggle bus.

Five things to share:

1. I’m not too proud to admit that sometimes when it’s past 10pm and I have exhausted all my options to stroll around town— friends are busy, bank account is empty— and sleep eludes me, I turn to my old friend Internet. Internet never lets me down: She’s always there, always available, always for free. I visit the few blogs I like, skim a few articles, and check my email multiple times before I get bored and decide to face sleep courageously. And other times I’m dropping alllllll the tea to my friend about X (no, not Twitter) and once we’ve exhausted ourselves with judgment, exasperated sighs, and our self-satisfactory theories, she asks me quizzically, “Wait, how did you find out?” I admit sheepishly, “Facebook.” She’s delighted to poke fun at me, “Bitch, you’re not even on Facebook!” If there is a will there is a way; Idle hands scroll. It goes without saying but I’m going to say it loud and clear anyway: IT IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA TO STALK YOUR X (no, not Twitter) ON SOCIAL MEDIA. Never, ever, ever. Yeah, no. I’m still recovering from the downward spiral of seeing a single post that apparently tells the whole story about a person’s life. Knowing better— Shame! And I thank all my lucky stars, the gods, the Universe that I’m not on social media 99% of the time watching people’s constant highlight reels just to feel like shit; Comparison is the thief of joy. Still, that 1% hurts. Oof. I know, I know, I know what *not* to do. Why do I do it? As they say, information killed the cat.

2. My best time spent offline accomplishment to date, besides quitting social media and living in community, is my tech-free bedroom. I sleep like a baby! It is no problem for me to spend 10 to 15 minutes with my thoughts before sleep rescues me. I don’t know why it was so difficult before. I cannot imagine being on my phone in bed now: Weird!!! It just takes getting used to. If this you… ↓

   

   courtesy of my Gen Z sister

3. A quote I want to share with you:

   

   — Clarissa Pinkola Estes (Source)

   A little pick me up quote I found and put up on my motivation wall to get me through this reiteration of hell. Just awful. Also practicing my typewriter skills! The feel, the sound, its unforgivingness to mistakes all make my lil’ heart happy— I dropped the i in built.

4. You also know what to do, why don’t you do it?

5. A challenge/question for you: Make a list of all the things you know you should not be doing. Why are you doing them?

P.s. Lately, it takes me by surprise how much people truly care about me and are rooting for me. The texts, the phone calls, the kind eyes and knowing smiles, the hugs. I used to feel so alone trapped in internet-induced loneliness. Please, please, please, if you accomplish only one thing with your time spent offline journey, make every effort to live in community. To love and be loved by plenty of people. Please.

that simple <3

P.p.s. “How do you do it?” I ask, desperate to know how one can be so strong. Solid, impenetrable. The silence stretches between us. I wait patiently. And I receive the best advice yet: “I’m not a strong person,” he says, “I’m not strong at all. I’m just surrounded by very strong people.”

That’s all for this week!

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Until next time,

Mehret