The Wo(Man) in the Mirror
Breaking the addiction of escaping yourself
Hi there,
My name is Mehret Biruk and I am a recovering internet addict of escaping myself.
Five things to share:
Growing up was easy. By 15, I bury the child, declare independence— to no one in particular, and I split. I ran for thirteen years: In circles, up and down, back and forth; sideways. There were the men, the drugs, alcohol, of course, and when I got scared of the chaos, the vultures, there was the career, the marriage, and, and, and of course, my most cherished escape of all time, of all, the internet; The perfect, low-consequential numbing agent. And whenever I dared to slow down, put down the phone, catch my breath, there was that dreadful sensation of drowning— Buried alive— and so I’d keep on scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. Until one day, after one too many tequila shots, I look in the mirror and the child, buried but still alive, looks me dead on and says, Let me out or I’m taking you down with me. And I understand then; Buried alive: drowning, drowning, drowning. By 28, I abandon the adult, declare custody of my inner child— to myself in particular, and I surrender.
Dealing with failure (You hungry.)
A quote I want to share with you:
For what it’s worth, it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be . . . I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
—F. Scott Fitzgerald
Let the possibilities shock and delight you.
Three books that have helped me:
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Dr. Gabor Maté
Run Towards the Danger by Sarah Polley
Sisters Of The Yam by bell hooks
A challenge for you: You; Sitting with Yourself
And if you think healing is hard work, it is, then look around you at all the living dead and choose your hard very, very carefully.
P.s. Thank you so, so, so much, from the bottom of my heart, for all the love you showed for the time spent offline zine! This is truly a love, care, joyful journey, and it delights me to share it with you… Offline!
Also, also, I stole the address stamp idea from Austin Kleon’s recent Substack post and when I saw it, I immediately got on the train to my fav stationery store, then headed to the print shop to order more copies of the zine, then to an antique shop to get more postcards— The owner remembered me from a year ago and gave me chocolate; and while waiting in line at the post office, a guy was flabbergasted about having to pay $26 to mail a letter (Canada, eh?) and I consoled him it’s happened to me too, and he told me he once had to pay $80 to mail *this small* box to Poland, “for that price I could have booked a flight there and dropped it off myself.” People are so funny!!!! IRL > URL ♡
That’s all for this week!
Thank you for reading, and share with anyone you think may benefit.
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Until next time,
Mehret