Offline dating is a fool's errand

Live, Laugh, Love

327 Bloor St W, Toronto, ON M5S 1W7

Hi there,

If you were wondering why I sent you Email to delete last week, I explained it here: For the weeks I have an impending existential crisis or other important things to tend to, I will, at the very least, send you email to delete. Literally, email to delete. So you won’t forget about time spent offline. I make up for my generic laziness and ample time spent unproductively wallowing in my sorrows with my subtle brilliance— as a friend described this very thing.

Five things to share:

1. "Whagwan, sweetie!" It’s a Friday night, I’m downtown Toronto walking to catch the streetcar while fumbling with the Hoopla app on my phone to find a song that has randomly started playing in my head: Welcome to Heartbreak. Hoopla is of no use; I can't find the dirty version and the clean version makes me unreasonably angry. If I were on Spotify, I could have what I want when I want it but I have made my peace with my choices a long time ago and I settle for the next best thing I can find: Ready to Die. [Parental Advisory Explicit Content] I look up following the sound— Whagwan, sweetie; I'm caught off guard. These things rarely happen anymore, and the only person randomly calling out at you on the streets is disheveled, and properly and obviously unwell. Everybody knows to ignore these people, to look away, through them, and keep walking. I make eye contact and I giggle. There is a part of me that is utterly delighted to have this silly encounter, this random attention from a random stranger. I'm surrounded by many strangers, the city overflowing with them, but we rarely acknowledge one another, we rarely pay attention, and when the online surveys ask how we feel we say we are lonely. He continues, "Yo, come here," it's direct, directive, playful—  Nostalgic. I continue giggling, walking away. This interaction is the IRL equivalent of swiping left on the apps, but there’s eye contact, audacity, laughter involved. It's real. Before the internet, before the dating apps and the people that lived inside our pockets, all attention required reality.

2. But, if you must.

3. A quote I want to share with you:

   “But the future— who knows? It’s here soon enough. Why grieve in advance? Whatever turns up, I hope it’s happy.” 

   — Anne Carson (#34)

   My friend loved this quote when I shared it with her, and I hope it reaches you the same: Why grieve in advance?

4. Not Making Romance Better, Just Making Dating Worse: On Inconvenient Conveniences

5. A question for you: What do you stand for?

   Easy to hate, hard to love.

P.s. Happiest Valentine’s Day good people. ❤️ Any reason, any reason at all, is a very good reason to celebrate love.

P.p.s. This past weekend, on an unusually warm and sunny Saturday, I looked up and noticed, trees—  with their branches extending to the skies, reaching for the heavens— sway to the sound of the wind: All beings dance. Delighted by witnessing such miracle, I blurted out my secrets hoping the trees can hear me: Tired of Runnin’/Dyin' of Thirst. In unison, trees as far as the eyes can see— with their fallen leaves and branches bearing witness— whispered back, be still and sway. I went home and cried danced.  

I say all that to say I used to think if only I got offline, if only I didn't spend so much of my time online I would be so productive, so efficient, so effective but I literally just talk to trees. And people. (The truth is for free- the dream costly.) 

That’s all for this week!

Thank you for reading, and share with anyone you think may benefit.

Until next time,

Mehret