Living in community

A deliberate practice

March delight

Hi there,

A while back, I resolved to come up with my own metrics for a life well-lived. Besides making the Guinness World Records for being the sexiest, funkiest, oldest person alive, I would deem my life successful by the number of funerals I would have to attend. Lots of friends, I reasoned, would mean lots of dead friends. I know, I know, morbid, but isn’t death just a fact of life? I, always strangely motivated, have found “lots of dead friends” the single, best motivational framework to cultivate a rich, full, life-sustaining social life in the present— before the cookie crumbles.

Five things to share:

1. How did the most connected generation end up being the loneliest?

   If there is one thing that defines the internet generation, it is loneliness. Loneliness plagues modern life. More and more, we find ourselves without plenty, deep, meaningful relationships and beloved communities that provide us environments of healing where we can find wholeness and wellness, ones that we can consistently go back to, to return to ourselves; a place of wellbeing.

   A well-connected, people-filled, satisfying social life is a worthwhile pursuit, one of the best things that came out of my unplugging journey. I had no choice— without social media, without the internet, without digital clutter— but to find real people, real communities, real connections in real time. It all came together to me, reading Chapter 10: Sweet Communion in Sisters of the Yam, where bell hook urges readers to live in community: Wait, I live in community and it will only get bigger, better, fuller the more deliberate effort I put into it; the more attention I pay.

2. A word for time spent offline:

   

   to stroll, lounge, saunter

   What better delight than a hot summer day spent offline, strolling, lounging, sauntering from place to place? Eavesdropping on life lessons as told by children. Noticing love unfold— hugs, kisses, and eyes that look at each other like the rest of the world doesn’t exist. Cold beer that pairs well with light gossip by the patio. Why would I choose the “internet” when I can choose delight?

3. A quote I want to share with you:

   INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIVING A LIFE: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.

   — Mary Oliver

   I can’t get over how astonishing life is, if only I pay attention to it.

4. The Fruits of Friendship

   Friendship gives flavour to life. Rather than treating friendship as a nice-to-have luxury, reserved for people who have their lives in perfect order, we should cultivate friendship intentionally and treat it as the necessity it is. We need to be intentional in our pursuit of it, especially as we age.Like a marriage, the best friendships require investment, compromise, and sacrifice. By creating shared alignment, trust, and companionship, strong friendships nourish the soul and sharpen the mind.

5. A challenge for you: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell time spent offline about it.

   A question for you: When was the last time you had a great conversation? A conversation that wasn’t just two intersecting monologues, but when you overheard yourself saying things you never knew you knew, that you heard yourself receiving from somebody words that found places within you that you thought you had lost, and the sense of an “eventive” conversation that brought the two of you into a different plane and then forthly, a conversation that continued to sing afterwards for weeks in your mind? Conversations like that are food and drink for the soul. — The Fruits of Friendship

That’s all for this week!

Thank you for reading, and share with anyone you think may benefit.

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Until next time,

Mehret